Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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