she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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