theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm getting married
To pizza
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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