Will you blow on my dice?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Congratulations! We have a period
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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