Can Purell be used as lube?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
