Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
