I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I love you.
Bad choice
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
