He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
