I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
