I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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