Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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