So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
