I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
