i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
