Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
