Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
