i would punch a child for taco bell
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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