I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
