Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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