Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
