you mean i was at the winter classic?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
