I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
