Well apparently he's into motor boating.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
