They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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