so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
