take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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