I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
