If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
