that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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