He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
