it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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