i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
