I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
