Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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