dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
