All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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