Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
