I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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