That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i came on her dog
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
