On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
