morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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