if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
