she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
