And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
