It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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