Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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