Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
