Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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