Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
