Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
